Parents know that the decision to divorce comes with intense feelings of loss, disappointment and failure. Anger is experienced throughout the process, and in addition, there are feelings of hope and relief for the partner who initiates the break-up, and feelings of betrayal and confusion for the partner who is left. For both parents, starting anew holds challenge as well as possibility. Divorce ignites wishes for second chances at love, renewed dignity, better choices, and greater direction of one’s life. Yet, according to research, even if divorce improves the quality of parents’ lives, children experience this loss as the loss of their childhood (Wallerstein and Blakeslee, 1989).
It is therefore very important to make the most of this transition; to help family members manage their myriad feelings, regain their balance, protect children from additional loss by providing communication, consistency and nurturance, maintain supportive connections, and rebuild two new families.
When you divorce you become the architect of your new life.
I can help you in the following ways:
• How to tell your children that you are getting divorced
• Understanding the developmental issues that are normal and likely to emerge at your child’s age
• Finding ways to anticipate and address these issues
• Preparing your child for what lies ahead
• Working collaboratively with your team of professionals (i.e. attorneys, financial advisors, school staff, physicians, etc.)
• Imagining and Rebuilding your post-divorce family
• Involving your children in decision making to the degree that is healthy and developmentally appropriate for them (vs. overburdening them with responsibilities or your emotional vulnerabilities)
• Developing supportive networks to maintain your and your children’s resiliency through connections to extended family, friends, and the community
• Compassionate parenting to help you tune-in to yourself and attune empathically to your child
• Attachment skills to help you improve upon the parenting you received, and enhance your attachment to your children
• Evaluating the needs of your children and how to synchronize these with work schedules and the desire to maintain a strong connection to them
• Grieving the need to rejoin the work force despite a preference for your role as a stay-at-home parent
• Understanding your new role as a co-parent
• Managing feelings of loss-of-control as a co-parent
• Developing a co-parenting relationship that protects your children and both of you as parents while you rebuild your new lives
• Supporting you as you venture into the new worlds of singleness, new work/career change, and dating
• Being an ongoing resource to your family as your children grow and change over time
• Supporting you when your youngest child leaves home